RIP My Grandad, My Hero, My Bigodes

It's almost been 3 months since my hero passed away, it took a lot of courage, crying, composure, shouting to come to 'terms' that he is gone.... and a lot of time off to deal with all that.

No one tells you how you are supposed to grieve, and now I know why...

Everyone has their own way of dealing with it and mine was having the time to think about him, get most of my crying out and nice long walks by the beach. It was setting up a facebook group so we could all honour him and share good memories between friends & family.

As you see I have been quiet since the end of June and now you know why.

My grandad never made it to my birthday, but he made it to see my son get to 6 and my daughter get to 3... and that makes me very happy.

I believe he is watching out for us and watching us from above... laughing at our silliness and smiling each time my kids do or learn something new. I think he is proud of me now that I am carrying on with my life and not sad any more.

I miss him terribly, and I always will, there is so much I would like to tell him and ask him but I am not sure I believe in mediums and the kind. Do you believe in that sort of stuff?

I think that even if there is such a thing it is very difficult to separate real from fake. I would love to have someone convince me that they are for real though, so I could speak to my grandad once again.

I love my granddad and I always will, he will always be my hero!

It always brings tears to my eyes when I think of him, but I know he is no longer suffering... the cancer was destroying him from the inside out. He was so peaceful when he was gone, I thought I would never do the sort but I told the kids he was having a long sleep and going to heaven and my kids gave him a kiss on the cheek and went back downstairs.

He looked so beautiful and peaceful, I sat on the bed next to him until they took him and that was the last time I ever saw him and I ever stroked his face.

Every day I go to our boutique it reminds me of him, I opened it on his birthday & I do it all for him.

I remember him crying when everything went through for me to get the boutique, he was so pleased and he really wanted everything to go well for us.

So here's a big cheers to my granddad! Our hero...

As I am writing this my 3 year old came over and saw the picture of her and him (the one on top) and said "Look mummy, it's me and Bizivo (great granddad in Portuguese), he's my best friend!", it makes me so happy that she understands that he is gone but always with us in our hearts.

My granddad always played with the kids and they both loved them dearly.

I love you granddad, always and forever, my Bigodes, my hero....

He still got to see my tattoo for him x

Monica xxx